'My Friend And First Love, Gauri Lankesh Was The Epitome Of Amazing Grace'

If Gauri Lankesh read all the tributes and accolades for her, particularly those that refer to soul and afterlife and heaven, she'd have had a good laugh. Well, maybe not a laugh, but at least a chuckle. We had decided in our teens that heaven and hell and afterlife were a lot of b.s. There was enough heaven and hell on earth, and we should just leave god alone ¡ª he has enough on his hands -¡ª instead of begging him for things like many people do.

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But part of our compact was we would not be hurtful to others -¡ª including family -¡ª in our youthful irreverence even if we disagreed with their beliefs and practices. We didn't always succeed -¡ª ah, the impetuosity of youth! -¡ª but it was a good principle that served us well later. Which is how even when we divorced 27 years ago, after five years of courtship and five years of marriage, we remained friends, great friends. Part of the compact. Don't be hurtful. Even to each other.

ALSO READ: Gauri Lankesh Wasn't The First One, India Has Never Been Safe For Journalists

TOI

We met at a school that was the birthplace of the Rationalist Movement of India ¡ª- National College. Our principal, Dr H Narasimhaiah, and the Sri Lankan rationalist, Dr Abraham Kovoor, were pioneers of the movement, and right from our teens we took to the thrill of questioning and debunking a variety of godmen/women, charlatans, frauds, superstitions, etc that abound in India.

I'm putting this out here early to provide context to the killing. Rationalists and agnostics are in the crosshairs of uber-religious bigots...

ALSO READ: 'It Was Her Wish,' Gauri Lankesh's Brother Fulfills Her Last Desire Of Donating Eyes

TOI

Feisty wouldn't even begin to describe her. She hated the fact that I smoked in college. Years later, when I had given it up for a long time, she had begun to smoke. One time, she visited me in US, I insisted she not smoke in the apartment because it was carpeted and the stink wouldn't go away. It was winter.

"What do you want me to do?"

"If you have to smoke at all, go to the rooftop and smoke."

"But it's cold and snowing!"

"Shrug"

"You tightass!...I started to smoke because of you!"

"Awww...sorry old girl. I'm asking you to stop."

"Yeah right. You've become too *&^%$#@ American!"

"American has nothing to do with it. Being healthy."

"Bollocks. I'll outlive you!" Liar ....

Many friends were and continued to be bemused by our friendship. Separations and divorces are often messy, bitter and spiteful in India, or anywhere for that matter. We had our moments, but we transcended that quickly, bound by higher ideals.

There was no doubt she was left of center, even extreme left of centre and there was much we disagreed about. She chewed me up for being an early proponent of technology, saying one time in the 90s, "Stop yammering about cell phones. Our poor can't eat cell phones." I never let her forget it. But her heart was in the right place.

ALSO READ: After The Brutal Murder Of Gauri Lankesh, Prakash Raj Makes A Valid Point On Rising Intolerance

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Right now, between writing this, I am scrambling to get on a plane again, my mind a cauldron of fragmented memories. One phrase keeps repeating and resonating in my mind: Amazing Grace. Forget all other labels: leftist, radical, anti-Hindutva, secular, etc. For me, there is just this: My friend, my first love, she was the epitome of Amazing Grace.