Quest For The West: Why Does The Indian Queer Population Want To Move Out?

A conversation about the future of queer people in India with a close friend ended on a sadnote when he said, “I don’t want to leave India, India wants me to move out.”??

And then it hit me why it was such a familiar feeling.??

Growing up as a queer child in a middle-class family in India, I always wanted to find anescape spot where I would simply feel okay.?

In hindsight, I didn’t know at the time that I was craving acceptance but it left me with thethoughts of running away – to be anywhere except here.?

As I grew up and interacted with other people from the LGBTQIA+ community, I realised thatI wasn’t the only one facing these crippling thoughts.?Such feelings of alienation are felt bymany people from the queer community in India, which makes up for a large chunk of India’spopulation – about 2.5 million people, at least according to a 2012 government survey,making India’s queer community among the largest in the world.?

Deepak Kashyap, a queer psychologist born in Ajmer, Rajasthan alternates his time betweenIndia and Canada. He confirmed that this wish to “leave” India is a common phenomenonamong Indian queers.“It’s not the economics that drive queer population away, it’s about safety, security andfuture. Finances is not the primary reason we are moving out, we are privileged in Indiaalready. But can I create a family here?”?

“I wish I didn’t have to move out,” is the most common thing Kashyap has heard whilespeaking to queer people about this issue. “A lot of us are very attached to our families, it’snot that we wanted to leave, we were pushed out. It was a decision made for us.”??

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“There are less spaces in India where queer people can be queer. It’s mostly [possible inmetropolitan cities] like Delhi, Mumbai, Pune, Bangalore. And these cities are veryexpensive to live in, and they possibly can’t house 2.5 million people in just these cities,” headded.?

The truth is that the Indian queer population is moving out in a phenomenon that has cometo be known as “gay brain drain.” Saurabh Kirpal, an openly gay advocate in India, whilemaking his case in favour of legalising same sex marriages during Supreme Court hearingsthis summer touched upon the subject and said, “there’s also gay brain drain causedbecause of [lack of equal rights, including marriage equality]. The best minds all leave thecountry to secure freedom outside the country.”?

According to research by the World Bank, India loses 1.3 per cent of its GDP as a result ofgreater incidence of despair and suicide among the homosexual population. This issue canbe solved by giving equal recognition and rights to the LGBTQIA+ community. India is notonly losing millions of bright queer people, but in the process, the country is also losingbillions of rupees.?

India is currently waiting to hear the Supreme Court’s judgment on legalisation of same sexmarriages in India. However, that didn’t stop queer love birds from tying knots with theirpartners.??

One such couple is Vaibhav Jain and Parag Mehta, who currently live in the United States. “Iam an Indian citizen, and I love my country. I watch the Republic Day parade every year withtears in my eyes just as I had tears in my eyes when the Supreme Court of India finallydecriminalised homosexuality in 2018, offering a blanket apology for historical wrongscommitted against the LGBTQ+ communities.”??

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“I haven't left India. But sometimes it feels like India is leaving me and millions of othersbehind. What are our options when other governments invite us to build and learn andachieve within their borders while having to live as second-class citizens, without having tohide who we are and who we love? Leaving India might actually be the easy choice. But, byfiling these petitions for recognition of same-sex marriage, we plaintiffs are fighting to stay.We are fighting to be heard and to be seen. Nobody should be invisible to their owngovernment, especially in a democracy,” said Jain.?

Living in India for queer people often means hiding who they are. For Jain, “living as a gayman in Delhi and Bangalore meant living half a life.” Jain was “endlessly bullied – by familyfriends, classmates, even the adults at school,” who were supposed to protect him.??

He said, “I could be gay as long as I kept in the shadows. Underground. But being from a‘respectable family’ meant that I would someday have to marry a woman and endure aloveless marriage that would ruin both our lives. When I got the opportunity to study abroadfor my Master’s degree, I thought it was a way out. But, of course, that meant sacrificingeverything I knew and grew up with. In the 12 years since I left India for school and work,I’ve been relentlessly bothered by the fact that it was me – not my bullies and tormentors –who were exiled. It’s ironic who we keep and who we force out.”??

Expressing similar thoughts, a software engineer from Dehradun who moved to the US inJanuary 2022 to pursue higher education shared what led them to make this choice.“Being in a place where I could truly be myself as a gay individual meant the world to me.The freedom to love who I love without judgment was a huge factor in my decision,” he said.?

The engineer, who wished to remain anonymous continued, “I couldn't live my life as a gayman with complete freedom in India. It's tough when you can't be your authentic self withoutworrying about judgment or discrimination. I wanted to find a place where I could expressmyself openly and embrace my identity without any limitations.”??

“I'm happy to say that I found the freedom to be myself. I've been involved in the LGBTQ+community on campus and have made some awesome new friends. Overall, it's been apositive journey so far, and I'm excited to see what else the US has in store for me,” headded.?

25-year-old Anmol also moved to the US recently for many reasons but mostimportantly, to be his real self.Anmol doesn’t shy away from admitting that he led a privileged life in India, but it came at acost, a cost that was too high to pay for that privilege.?

“Despite leading a privileged life inIndia, I encountered several inconveniences as a queer individual. Firstly, I spent asignificant portion of my life in the closet, constantly burdened by the need to conceal afundamental aspect of my identity. The absence of openly queer individuals during mychildhood contributed to this reluctance to come out. Compounding the issue, Bollywood andother forms of Indian pop culture perpetuated harmful misrepresentations, furtherexacerbating the challenges faced by our community,” he said.?

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Talking about his time in the US, Anmol said, “The legal battles that the Indian queercommunity is winning today were won in the US long ago and it reflects in the everyday livesof the residents of this country.?It is commonplace to find officially recognised LGBT+ clubs inuniversities and colleges, and one may encounter openly gay professors who are happilymarried to their partners. This inclusive culture permeates corporate and public spaces aswell. Even when I was out of the closet in India, I still experienced a subconscious impulse tosuppress my queer identity in public settings. In contrast, in the US, I feel significantly moreat ease and empowered to express my queer identity openly.”??

“I discovered a refreshingly inclusive society where queer individuals are not marginalisedbut rather live openly, proud of their identities, and enjoy equal rights. They also haveeffective legal support available should they require it. However, despite these experiences, Icontinue to be a proud Indian, eager to explore a new country,” Anmol added.??

Queer people of India want to come home to a place that feels like home and accepts themfor who they are. Our constitution denies discrimination, and it’s about time this permeatesinto the legal framework and civil society.

What do you think about Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.?For more stories on the LGBTQIA+ community and queerness in India, keep reading?Spectrum?on?Indiatimes.